Whether it’s Bread or Cake; Kansas or Toto, The Spice Girls or Spicy Muzak, Wham! or !!!, students are growing more and more concerned over the music played in the Yates-Gill College Union.
“When I visited Jewell, they led me to think that this was an easy-listening school,” Perkie Cassins, first-year, said. “But I’ve been here for six weeks now, and I know that it’s fully Hot Adult Contemporary. I feel so betrayed and confused.”
Both first-years and upperclassmen share a sense of disparaging disbelief as they ponder the William Jewell College they thought they knew and the William Jewell College they now encounter daily. Upperclassmen, however, are concerned that William Jewell is drifting away from the institution’s core beliefs.
“It just used to be a much more wholesome atmosphere. My first couple years they played The Fray, Daughtry, and, when they were feeling rebellious, some Coldplay,” Jamin Murphette, fifth-year senior, said. “But I was going to lunch the other day, and you know what I heard? Lady GaGa followed by MADONNA! I just shook my head . . . The gays have finally taken over.”
Added Murphette: “And just for the record, I was not dancing to it. Got it?”
Other students are confused by the almost daily changes in the Union’s musical stylings.
“Yesterday it was the 80s station. The day before it was the 90s station. Today it’s the Top 40 station, but I’m pretty sure three days ago I heard some outlaw country,” an anonymous junior said. “Make up your mind, William Jewell! I know you want to appeal to everyone, but some of us would really appreciate some consistency.”
Members of the College administration are expected to give a presentation on William Jewell’s musical identity at the next faculty meeting. According to an anonymous source, the presentation will include “a plethora of visual aides” and “metaphorical identity statements that kinda make sense, but not really.”
--Jewelley Williams
